Sunday, 1 July 2012

Hello Summer, sorry to be missing you.

I've been really ill over the past few months, which explains the lack of posts over here and the lack of photography over on my flickr. For the past two months I've suffered terrible dizziness where it feels like the world is spinning around me, it feels like I'm on a boat in really choppy water, as well as having chronic headaches, numbness in my hands and anxiety. I've been to various doctors and to the hospital more times than I like to think, I've been diagnosed with Labyrinthitis (inner ear infection) or Benign Postural Vertigo. I'm going to see a neurologist next week and hope I can get some definite answers from a specialist. Since I've been ill I've been missing out on having a beautiful summer, I haven't been able to make the folk festival by the sea that I love, or the Village Green (a mini festival in a park near where I live) because I feel so sick. I haven't been able to enjoy BBQ's, drinks with friends or Saturday nights with my boyfriend and his family.

I'm trying hard to keep my spirits up but it's hard, especially when you feel like the world's moving beneath you. I blacked out on the way to work last week and collapsed, since then I've been feeling pretty low. There have been some good things about being sick, one of the good things is that due to being so sorry for myself I bought myself a beautiful SX-70. I love it, not just as in 'oh that's a nice camera' I mean, I really love it. I've been buying up packs of Impossible Project film like a mad woman, the images you can create with this camera are stunning. It makes me feel so happy, it has given me the desire to shoot again, thanks to my little SX-70 I can get excited about going outside again, under the summer sun and shoot pretty things.

What I've always loved about photography is that it gives you a chance to see the beautiful things in life, the way flowers grow, or the way the light hits the ground. I think that you become pretty self obsessed when you're ill, I've been thinking how lonely it is to feel this way I've been forgetting that there are beautiful things out there, and that there are some people so much worse off than me. I should be grateful for what I do have, not feeling down on myself because I feel horrible. I'm grateful for Ant and my family, they've been through so much these past few months, when I've had to go to the hospital in the middle of the night, they've been there, when I've had to miss important occasions, they've understood. I love them all very, very much. I'm also incredibly grateful that the Impossible Project included my photo in its Sunday Brunch feature. I'm going to try my hardest to get better, hopefully with good thoughts it'll happen sooner, rather than later. :)

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry to read that you have been sick and hope you get a helpful diagnosis soon. I do know how photography, looking for the bright spots in a not-so-bright day, can help pull you through, and wow what beautiful things you are doing with that SX70. I find I am lucky if I get one or two shots I like -- even at the darkest setting mine camera tends to overexpose, which is frustrating. Congratulations on being featured by TIP -- I saw that photo and admired it but missed it on flickr and didn't put two & two together until now. So cool!